2 Years - Bachelor's degree in Violin

My plan is to just take music classes Fall 2020-Spring 2021 and to finish the rest the next schoolyear, which may not be able to be the summer.  This is all online.  All that could get in the way is complications moving to a group home or something like that, well moving out on my own if my dad gets worse then, which he said he would get worse probably.  I'm not sure if I need 8 ensembles or 8 orchestra specifically credits, and so I may need to add 2 more orchestras in there hopefully.  I just e-mailed to ask if the orchestra was in session and I could do it this summer instead.  I might also do dance, a new place just opened with classes for all and companies; I think I could perform.  I'm waiting to hear if I can take a placement class.  Anyway, I took 14 credit hours this semester and it was a nightmare.  I can't take summer classes with financial aid, so I'm not taking some classes this summer.  My financial aid is denied at a community college here and at the other community college I need to be let back in so too late anyway.  So, I'll be 36 years old when I graduate hopefully.  It's a Bachelor of Arts in Music.  I also hope to learn German so I can move to Germany.  At least I can do a little now.

Summer 2021 (maybe)

- Orchestra - 1 credit hour

______________________

- TOTAL - 1 credit hour

Fall 2020

- Violin - 2 credit hours

- Orchestra - 1 credit hour

- Recital Lab - 0 credit hours

- Music Theory - 4 credit hours

- Music History - 3 credit hours

______________________

- TOTAL - 10 CREDIT HOURS

Spring 2021

- Violin - 2 credit hours

- Orchestra - 1 credit hour

- Recital Lab - 0 credit hours

- Music Theory - 4 credit hours

- Basic Conducting - 3 credit hours

______________________

- TOTAL - 10 credit hours

Summer 2021 (maybe)

- Orchestra - 1 credit hour

- Biology - 3 credit hours (maybe)

______________________

- TOTAL - 1 or 4 credit hours

Fall 2021

- Violin - 2 credit hours

- Orchestra - 1 credit hour

- Recital Lab - 0 credit hours

- Instrumental Conducting - 3 credit hours

- Religion - 3 credit hours

- Biology - 3 credit hours (or maybe during the summer somewhere else)

______________________

- TOTAL - 9 or 12 credit hours

Spring 2022

- Senior Recital - 0 credit hours

- Violin - 2 credit hours

- 1 Orchestra - 1 credit hour

- Recital Lab - 0 credit hours

- Religion - 3 credit hours

- Religion - 3 credit hours

______________________

TOTAL - 9 credit hours

Stop

People want to push me to say I'm not shit.  I don't want to get close to them.

German American

The US is becoming the equivalent for non-German though it's the largest percentage ethnicity here, probably mixed.

Would you?

Would you dye your hair red?

Well!

School's out and laundry's in.

My Hair

I think I will continue to bleach it with hydrogen peroxide after all and maybe repeat the keratin treatment.

White-Gold Highlights

from the specific kind of Sheer Blonde specific to correct brassy tones + already bleached

Not My Fault

If Americans want to fall short of being European is not my fault.

Hard ot Believe

I can't believe how some people dare allude to me.

Snide

People are just following along acting snide if I am worth anything like other people.

There is a reason?

I think it is because of other people that we have to do things to make things go right for an older lady I like being underground famous.  It's, like, all that to little girls around the world.  Also, the older lady I like seems to have done it usually herself, not sure how all these problems came about.

"What's your problem?"

I look good if you'll only put me against other American females my age.

Question

Why does everyone just want to complain about things and other races, like they have a point there?  I know Italians participate-

Prejudice

What if people think because my dad is born in the 1950 when I have piano talent I'm just "tinkling?"

Money

I wonder when I should save money directly for paying for rent.  I need other things to or things that would make it a nice stay as soon as possible, like more presentable pajamas for instance.

School - Inconvenience

I don't think it would be easy to commute to be in a community orchestra so maybe can't major in music online then.  I would have to practice myself.  That's my plan; someday, I will make it in something.

Plan

I might live in a group home for now, in Fort Lauderdale, Florida!

I might get rid of a lot of things and clothes.  I was thinking of getting flared yoga pants, long shirts (like a dress) with long sleeves ... every day so it's convenient when I exercise.  You get the picture.   I hope I can go to the beach.  I really want it to be in the county of Fort Lauderdale.  I lived there age 0-5.

New Backpack I Want

I can probably get it with birthday money or in June, for $74.95.  I really like the side pockets, for cell phone, credit/ID cards / money, and either a hand sanitizer tube or keychain.   It might fit a small wallet with the cards and money.

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"Trend Setting"

I guess someone I met started pressure on acting like my relatives are better than me.   He's violently mad at me, otherwise, for not being good enough to speak to him, so he thinks.

:(

I guess I can't trust my friends and family?

Is this...

...something new?

What a disgrace!

Why all is Germany so mean to me?

Being Bossy

Do you like when Europeans never get to the good stuff but act like you aren't familiar with their ways in your own culture in important ways?...

Leading in Music

Funny the conductor can't easily see the 1st violinist, at least in some situations.  I follow the leader and wind up on top.

More?

Am I ready to move to the next step?

I'm prestigious.

It's very sad to see other good people accepted and not me because of racism, now, like in Europe.

All the Stuff

It must be exciting to be a Late Boomer.

Watching a Movie

I'm watching Home on the Range (2004) by Disney.

The whole thing is extremely funny, pretty much.

Some characters like this flashed before me for awhile.

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"I don't have to listen."

People are mad if I was to get something they don't, but Late Boomers won't shut up.

Problems

Some people like to make problems come up, things they disagree with to come out.

"What matters?"

So, it doesn't matter if I'm all that in some way but does if others are and have been treated better out of luck partly?

"Who's turn is it?"

It's a Late Boomer's turn?  We never had a turn.

Being the Baby

Do people make up silly rules because they aren't as smart as others?

Feel Like They're Something

I see the Polish musicians are more spoiled by their teachers than when I had a Polish violin teacher.

Making Music Along With Others

When 1st violinists have solos, it's not that big a deal because they are usually not heard.

Baby Germany

Germany can't hold their own but think Poland is low in altitude, Russia is too far away anyway, and the Swiss Alps are too far south.

Well, excuse me!

Attractive Young People

You might see attractive young people, but they are my peers and not my parents.

I figured out the problem.

People make it seem like I succumbed or something, but I have to think louder to get it to go away.

My Life Schedule

Aren't I supposed to be a person and not a stay at home mom?

How She Can Prove Herself to Others

Maybe, she will always not be as happy as she wants for now, but that's all that counts and I don't get anything.

Attention-Getting

It seems it's important for the older lady I like to get attention from the whole world and me no one, at least not her.  I just noticed and thought it was funny.

First Violinists

People don't seem to question young first violinists for acting so quirky etc. about how special and good they are, seems racist.

Why?

I'm well aware that concert masters / 1st violinists teach the orchestra sometimes like a conductor.  Why?

Bad Teachers

Teachers don't pave the way into glory.

Why Americans Are Encouraged Over Piano

Americans are encouraged to play solo instruments, but the orchestra itself is so hard to get into how would they all ever amount to anything? like a soloist.  I did a research project or so on this.

Perverted Thoughts About Me

I wonder when people began to have such perverted thoughts about me.

Sneaky and Tricky

Do most people try to get the better of one or both of their parents?

Paradise for Some

Do people who are well-liked realize how special they are and how are they special?  Are the children attracted to their parents and family?

Music

me playing keyboard

Music

This is me.  I learned to play this when I was 11 years old when it came out and I started at 9.  2 - 2 1/2 years.  Then we moved.

Music Video

Little Half Smile

School's done.

School - My Music Education Technology Final Presentation Project

Video

PowerPoint

Plan

I might be able to move into a group home in Fort Lauderdale.  I can still go to college and do violin I hope.

No College This Summer

no financial aid

Summer College

I enrolled in 2 religion courses, New Testament and Old Testament.  I only have 1 more religion class after this and Biology.

For the BA in Music, I'm trying to do an hour of violin per week over the summer and an ensemble, like maybe church choir is open.

My other requirements are

- 2 semesters of Music Theory - 8 credit hours

- 1 Music History - 3 credit hours

- 2 Conducting courses, 3 hours each - 6 credit hours

- Senior Recital - 0 credit hours

- Recital Lab each semester - 0 credit hours

Schedule:

Summer 2020 - up to 11 credit hours

- Religion - 3 credit hours

- Religion - 3 credit hours

- Ensemble - 1 credit hour

- Violin - 2, 3, or 4 credit hours

Fall 2020 - 12 credit hours

- Music Theory - 4 credit hours
- Music History - 3 credit hours

- Conducting - 3 credit hours

- Violin -  1 credit hour

- Ensemble - 1 credit hours

- Recital Lab - 0 credit hours

Spring 2021 - 9 credit hours

- Music Theory - 4 credit hours

- Conducting - 3 credit hours

- Violin - 1 credit hour

- Ensemble - 1 credit hour

- Recital Lab - 0 credit hours

Summer 20201 - ? credit hours

- Violin - 2, 3, or 4 credit hours

- Ensemble - 1 credit hour

Fall 2021- 6+ credit hours

- Religion - 3 credit hours

- Biology - 3 credit hours

- Violin - ? credit hours

- Ensemble/s - ? credit hours

- Senior Recital - 0 credit hours

I could move the religion and science from the summer to during the year.  I can increase my violin hours and double up on ensembles, too.  This way, I'd graduate Spring 2021.

Overshadowing Me All the Time

Everyone's "experience" overshadows me, and I get blamed though I say nothing wrong and I have the right of speech otherwise too.  Like, new generations come along, and this happens then often, like I "did something."  It's true, deep down I resent people for treating me like a baby and being too close to me, making me uncomfortable.  It seems if anything good happens to me, it gets taken away automatically but not anyone else.

Just Join the Orchestra

Orchestras are snooty and demonic when it comes to accompanying.  It's just something fun to do, like playing a game, but whoever they are accompanying is trash to them.

Money

I dunno, this is kinda expensive for me.  I might hope to do something else.

Film Acting

I guess I will take film acting and forget about the modeling.  It may start at the beginning of July for $480 total, $440 by the 1st month.  I get about $400/month and have 2 months to save from.

I have to wait to see other places, too.  I've been to this first place before so would go on to advanced acting, though I didn't actually finish the 1st acting session..

Real, Good, Quality, Relatively, Maybe "Spot On," Complex Art

I miss visual arts.

People tend to not want to see the truth or say/express anything.

Categorizing My Social Life

Strangely, some people don't talk to me much.  Then, they act like I'm the one who wants to talk less in our relationship.  In the end, I get shoved aside as antisocial but somehow bound to their convictions across life.  Like, they can take from me socially and can't be denied.

A Little Sad

The world of classical music sounds more exciting than Hollywood.

Decision

I contacted some acting/modeling etc. schools.

Psychological Evaluation

Why are people scared and reluctant for me to analyze others they way they analyzed me?

Suggestion ... Idea?

Do you think I should become a model/actress for a living?  I think so!  I don't know how to support myself in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.  Eventually, I want to be a German violinist in an orchestra.

Good and Bad - Hollywood

Hollywood and entertainment like books are a battle between being rigid versus honest in society and the problems that arise through accidents and being overly stringent.  That seems like the only thing.  Even villains seem to simply be a spoilsport who get mad at deathpoint.  People worship books like the Bible; I guess they shouldn't because this pattern sounds like shit.

"Too Late?"

It seems people think when Generation X was 15 it was too late to have fun, but not so for Generation YZA.

"Last One Standing"

Late Boomers seem to find joy in ridiculing Generation X in any way they can, even if it's wrong and they still are accepted for this.

Reasonable Expecation

Is it reasonable to feel a desire to be treated like a Late Boomer or the generation of their children?

"Continuing on With our Lives"

I wonder why we shouldn't be jealous of Johnny Depp and then people say because of Tim Burton being powerful and famous that we should not continue with our lives with what we are respected for and improve unless it's with Tim Burton.

Europeans always trump Americans.

(I posted this on film|boards.)

Are Europeans just being treated right?

I know posters here who have relocated families outside of Europe originating from Europe. They are from popular European countries. Their families relocated at different times.

Americans I find tend to dislike my mom's side not being American, but she's not white-

So, are Europeans just being treated right? or are they used as a tool to spoil against me? etc. I would think Americans would also be more defensive of their culture rather than saying everything's good; it's probably a secret.

Flexibility and Servitude

I wonder how people work around the schedule of celebrities and "up and coming" child actors, working on multiple things or even hosting a talk show Monday - Friday.  Everything else in life is seemingly so inconvenient and spiteful.  It mustn't either be all it's cracked up to be.

Isolated, Identified Locations in Europe and the Rest of the World

It seems some people from more Southern parts of Europe like to feel more overly stimulated for it, but it doesn't happen to different races that are further South.

Keeping Well - Unfair Lack of Communication Opportunities

I thought it was important that other people and friends you like talk to you for mental health and such things, like keeping fit physically especially in ways.

It's funny how some/many people in Orlando were racist and it was so important they get all their needs met, like a mad dash going crazy and coo coo.  It was things like their communication needs.  In the end who do you think is the one to go to?  I feel people want to dispose of me, and I'm afraid other places have problems too if I move away, though I know this is just Orlando probably very obviously in the obvious problems you'd label and notice.

Also, some/many people in Orlando can't explain why they think white people's racial needs are more important, they think much more important, than that of other races and mixed races.  They think it's the opposite for any other race.  It's funny they also get in people's private thoughts as strangers, too.  Other races and Latinos are left in their own world that they think is better but still suffer in their public social environment.  It's funny how Americans have fair kids, while Latinos don't.  Many Americans are mixed and fairer than people in Europe.  Of course, many are not in some way and are not as happy.

It's unfair.

What do you think of the thinking that if you are amazing in being right, good, and smart ... that others go on the adventure of their life living through whims, fancies, and feelings? but not you, too.

"Specific Beauty" Skincare Products

I think I am going to try Specific Beauty next month.  It's skincare for people with darker skin.  It smooths and gets rid of dark spots.  Oh, I also have something to reduce pore size I need to use more.  I forgot just now after using a nose strip!  My nose isn't that bad, anymore, but years ago it was.  I never started treating it until I was about 21.

New Photo of Me

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Christina Barrett (@christina.ann.barrett) on May 12, 2020 at 1:24pm PDT

Do you think that singers are not really into real music?

Sometimes, orchestras may play differently if they are accompanying singers or dancers.  However, you might notice they get into the music like it's something big rather than how most musicians take it easy and are more real and down-to-earth as people in a way.  It's like the singers or dancers aren't even there.  It's true most people aren't good singers.  Dancers rehearse together, too, like orchestras, and they dancers seem not to do as much individual work at least when they are growing up and taking dance class still or ballet.  Also, why does the 1st violinist usually get into it and others not so much just to use it as a tool against other musicians?  Shouldn't there be more elite orchestras where all the members are the quality of 1st violinists?  It doesn't always have to be in Europe, though anyone should be allowed there if they are allowed in other countries.  ...  Either way, something's not in it or something sneaky is happening, regarding how only instruments do music it seems sometimes.  I think singers have it worst.  Most of them joined when they were older, it seems, in choirs.  I even feel people/musicians use dancers against me to say it's something I can't do if I even do music like them.  They probably are in league with pop guitarists, too.  Musicians even try to kick me out and then show off their singing like it's more precious than me having sung for real and not just a little for fun maybe.  It's like they think they have a guarantee they can sing, too, and I can't.  They already mainly are a spectacle for how they move as opposed to making much music, in orchestras; so, it's like they dance better than dancers, too.  They seem the sorest for complaining or acting stressed about all they can get to do, though.

Strange Days - Children in Hollywood

Before, it was that anyone could become a star at any moment just by being discovered.

However, now, it seems like you have to get training or just be really lucky.

It almost seems like the world is that much emptier.  There are many children out there way attractive enough to top any prior child actor, it seems, just that someone will be there to clown/monkey around and say that they aren't like people from a different generation.  Old child actors can be seen as yesterday's news, but you could look into some of them differently if you locate them.  I've been to childstarlets.com and have even held an account there.  There are of course famous child actors, not many it seems, but people still insist they weren't the only best choice, which is probably very true.  Too bad people were too poor to afford video cameras.

It also seems like people with moms who were 15 when they were born are only popular if they were born in the 1980s.  They might tend to be quite fair, stimulated, and pretty.

Late Boomers in Hiding

Baby Boomers don't have much to say.  People are all eager about them and especially Late Boomers, but they have withdrawn from the world.  Only their spoiled treatment remains in our way.  Even the children from the privileged generation with Late Boomer parents have disappeared from being, in a way, more clearly seen and featured in the world anymore.  Mind if we (Generation X and A) get to live like that, though?  It must have been easy for people to make happen.  Weren't we always being corrected to no reward?  Some of us weren't even that involved.  Also, if a Late Boomer or Early Generation X lady is very sweet and attractive, all people, good and bad, will flood them, even though they are rather unworthy and rude to assume to do that, bad themselves.

"An Unwelcome Guest"

It seems people stopped accepting me when I graduated from high school.

It is funny Late Boomers are so critical and rejecting to me.  Also, people like to jog my past, somehow, and see if I was always robotic and unfeeling, as opposed to feeling a full range of emotions and usually knowing how to handle them appropriately.  They themselves are spoiled and act out, like to me.

Teachers in high school seemed quick to sweep me out and I ended up having to leave for weird reasons.  I was really getting on, and they seemed not to like that, including the other college students.  I moved to a high school with English V my senior year, and it was a Catholic high school, which I've been to Catholic schools, and they ignored me quite strangely.

Interracial Limitations

It's best for races who are mad they are not German or White American etc. to marry and have children with their own race if not with a German.

Here are some pictures of Germans probably.

(link)

Get the facts straight.

Do you deny that you're prejudiced against me and with multiple significant reasons?

Like, also, you're using my race against me as a person, when you didn't even realize both my race and me as a person could overlap as the same thing in some ways.

Are 1/2 White 1/2 Asians smart?

I know if I marry and have kids with an Asian or Colored Non-European person it'd be clean, but I know I wouldn't win against if I had kids with a guy more like me and how I've progressed among others in the world.

I'm left at a meh.

Spunky Stuff

I've been watching The Emoji Movie (2017) on the side.

There's this one emoji who's (highlight for spoilers) a princess in disguise.

She is the aesthetic relief and voiced by Anna Faris (1976,) who is very good-looking and looks like a good role model and example of a successful actress.

It seems in this movie and a lot of movies I've seen in my life that there's something special about people teaching me to accept I am not worth anything when they create comic relief and send a message.  It means it's for someone else and others but not me.

So, I am not mad at people who are well-liked, though, just the people who are mean to me.

Here is that character in The Emoji Movie.

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Willing and Able

There's nothing wrong with being a janitor, depending on where you live probably.

Hey, artists "sweep the streets."

I wondered why they don't wear a mask if they don't, which I don't remember seeing one who does.

Just mopping the floor isn't so bad, but the toilets mustn't be fun and look cramped.

It saw something that made me think it's like being a police.

The Hand of an Artist

I've had to draw my hand multiple times in different ways as an art student.

I know I did art since I was little and it was a big deal to have a graceful, beautiful hand!